Guilty As Charged

I went to a traffic court yesterday, not to confront my accuser but to ask for court’s leniency. I was cited about four months ago for driving in a carpool lane during restricted hours. Guilty as charged, I accepted the consequence. Aware that I could go to court and ask for a fine reduction, I booked a trial date.

I arrived early yesterday. When I saw a stern and sharp looking guy in suite walk into the courtroom, I thought that was the citing officer. I was convinced he must have been thinking what a dishonorable person I was who wanted to contest a known fact. I felt bad for his misjudgment of me. A few minutes later, I found out that serious looking guy was just another defendant. Then I started to look around for the officer. When I was pulled over, I didn’t even get a good look at him because I was ready just to take the ticket and leave. My officer didn't show up.

So my case was dismissed for lack of prosecution. I will get my bail money of $396 back in 4 to 6 weeks.

But I wasn’t happy about the unexpected favorable outcome.

If we could get away with things, we would do anything, lying, cheating, stealing, to maximize our own benefit. Two things keep us in check: guilt and shame. We fear of judgment, terrestrial or celestial. Western legal system and religious morality are designed to create the sense of guilt and sin in us. Eastern philosophy invokes shame. Fear for disgrace and embarrassment can be just as powerful.

Yesterday I felt ashamed for what the officer might have thought of me. I was declared innocent but was still guilty. On the way out, a thought occurred to me that in court, I should’ve admitted my guilt, despite the absence of my accuser, and still asked for leniency. But I didn’t have the courage to do it then, and doubt I would have the courage to do so in the future. I guess my clear conscience has a minimum market value of $396.